Inanimate objects

Drew: "Why does your car keep attacking me?!" - after being hit in the head twice by - you guessed it - my car.

He was a good sport about it.

xo,

Ms. V

Bright light! Bright light!

At a random birthday party in "The Middle of Nowhere, VT" this past summer...

Ben: Want to go light fireworks?

Ms. V: Psha! Do you really have to ask?!

We had fun. 'Nuff said. I only screamed a little bit...

xo,

Ms. V

Parts I & II in one post

Roadtrips with Ben tend to start off at the Burlington Bagel Bakery. The following quotes reference the napkin holders at this fine establishment, with the first quote occurring after I got my hand stuck in one.

Ben: "These are the worst napkin holders I've ever seen!"
(They really are awful.)

Fast forward one month to another roadtrip.
Ms. V: "Oh my gosh! I was just about to say 'These are the worst napkin holders ever!' then I remembered that's exactly what you said last time!"
Ben: "They ARE the worst ever. If there were a hell, it would be filled with these napkin holders."

We have now decided to start evaluating napkin holders. Yeah, for real. Why? Because that's how we roll.

xo,
Ms. V

Building on the last...

Ms. V: "We treat it with TCA, but don't ask me what TCA stands for because for some reason, I can't remember right now."

Ben: "Trichloroacetic acid?"

Ms. V: "Yes!! That's it!"

Ben: "We compliment each other perfectly!"



It's the simple things in life, folks - especially when it comes to friendship.

xo,
Ms. V

No explanation, really...

Ben: "You had me at prolapse."


...That's all I have to say about that...

xo,
Ms. V

One from the road

This one is from the road, our first day in Yosemite National Park. A beautiful little red-headed girl and I crossed paths and exchanged huge grins... Joe looked on with amusement.

Joe: "That little ginger girl looked happy to see another ginger."
Ms. V: "We *were* happy to see each other! We gingers have a secret society."
Joe: "That's crazy... It's a crazy secret society."
Ms. V: "A secret society of crazy?"
Joe: laughter...


I also made sure to point out that I'm not ginger. I'm auburn.

xo,
Ms. V

On this harvest moon...

No quotes today, folks. I'm feeling happily serious (serene perhaps?)

We've just moved in to autumn, a truly special time in my book - especially here in the northeast, where the colors explode across both the ground and sky. The addition of the harvest moon last night got me thinking about what autumn truly is, in a somewhat spiritual sense. It's another time of transition, just like spring, but it's a time of transition toward closings and endings, to prepare us for the rest and recovery of winter. Each season has such emotional beauty attached to it, but autumn is a little extra special because it helps us prepare. It allows us time to say goodbye to the vibrant life of spring and summer and ease into the solitude and opportunities for introspection that winter presents to us. Autumn is a cool, crisp, colorful, cider-filled cushion. Embrace it fully. It's the perfect transition.

Happy equinox to all! Hope you enjoyed the harvest moon last night.
xo,
Ms. V

So my cats are large...

Patrick's observation about the dynamic duo of Condor and Grenidine...

"They're not exactly cats. They're more like furniture. Like moving ottomans..."

xo,
Ms. V

A sisterly convo

Via Meebo with the other Ms. V:

EEV: "i'm in my 15th hour of telephone conference with this client since last wednesday"
Ms. V: "I am very much not jealous of you."
EEV: "I am very much not jealous of me either."

xo,
Ms. V

Another funny conversation

Most of these will be from Joe for now, because I collected a lot on our recent cross-country trip. Poor Joe. :) Ahhh, nah. There's no such thing as bad publicity, right?

At a gas station in South Dakota... middle of nowhere... old-fashioned gas pumps that I had to remind myself how to use...
Ms. V: "I feel like I'm in the wild west!"
Joe: You ARE in the wild west!"

No joke, people. It was a little bit "Twilight-zone-ish."

xo,
Ms. V

I have funny conversations sometimes

Actually, I have funny conversations a lot of the time. To basically completely copy "My girlfriend is ridiculous", I'm going to start posting some of these conversations. Good times. Here's one now:

Ms. V: "There's a Waffle House in Cleveland. We could go to the Waffle House in Cleveland! Woo!"
Joe: "We're not going anywhere in Cleveland."
Ms. V: "Except the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame."
Joe: "Yeah, and leaving!"


More to come soon. Promise.

xo,
Ms. V

Interesting conversation... and I held back

Today. Hannaford. South Burlington. Picture it.

I walk to my car and I hear "excuse me lady?" I ignore it initially but then turn to see that the man who said it really was referring to me. The following conversation took place:

Man (with no teeth): "My girlfriend and I are living in my truck and I need to get a prescription filled. I'm $1.05 short. Can you spare it?"
In the Christmas spirit I decide to hand the guy $2. Sure, I have no way of verifying that it's for a prescription but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Besides, it's only a couple of bucks. While I pull out my wallet, he shares his story...
Man (with no teeth): "We've been livin' in my truck. I only get $132 unemployment check and that doesn't go far. Hey! You're beautiful! You could really make it if you moved to Florida where I'm from! I hate this state!"
Me: "Oh, thank you. That's very nice. Here's your $2. Happy holiday."
Man (with no teeth): "Thank you! Merry Christmas!"

I held back. I decided not to point out to him that our economy is in the ole' crapper because "his" great state of Florida is responsible for letting an imbecile in office, causing one of the largest economic downfalls in US history. I was not happy though. I don't take kindly to people who speak ill of Vermont. I especially don't take kindly to it when they're IN Vermont, asking for handouts, and actually receiving one. This is something that likely would not happen elsewhere. Why? Because Vermonters are nice. I held back. The dude was crazy and standing about 2 yards away from me. Also, he called me beautiful. Flattery scored him a few points.

Happy holidays!
xo,
Ms. V

A New blog to stalk

On the recommendation of my buddy Perplexio (aka: Darrin), I checked out My Girlfriend is Ridiculous. Cute. Hilarious. Love it. I've added it to the blog links at the right. Check it out, peeps. Here's the description from the master of the blog himself:

"I have a girlfriend. Her name is Jessica. I was initially attracted to her because she is very hot. As it turns out, she is also very sassy."

More blogging to come. I have two glorious weeks off before going back to the hell of a ridiculously long commute and 10 hour work days. :D

xo,
Ms. V

C'mon baby light my fire...

Over the years, I have discovered that funny things happen, and many stories emerge when I do stupid stuff. This should not be a surprise to anyone reading this blog, as I've got 4 years worth of junk posted on this thing to back me up. If you're reading, you know this. We're off to a good start.

So.... I'm sitting around my fabulous apartment the other night, enjoying the season of Thanksgiving. Wanting to set the mood for some relaxation, I decide to light some candles but notice (in a mildly annoyed way) that the wick of one of the candles is off-center and now melting the wax unevenly. Scientist that I am, I note that a simple solution is to add something small and flammable to the other side of the candle that will burn out on its own but cause the wax to melt. Gosh, I'm stupid. No, really. I really am. Read on...

I roll up a *tiny* - yes *TINY* piece of paper and add it to the wax. It burns. It keeps burning. The paper doesn't disintegrate. I shut the bathroom door and pretend this isn't happening. I wait a minute. Open the bathroom door & note flames. I shut the bathroom door again and hope that I hallucinated. I re-open the bathroom door & note flames again. I also note the boiling wax. At this point, the glass will shatter if cooled too quickly, so water is now officially out of the question. I'm too terrified to go near this tiny, contained fire because I now have visions of glass exploding and careening all over my bathroom and myself. (Yes, I'm a bit paranoid, I know). I whip out the fire extinguisher from under the kitchen sink, open the bathroom door a 3rd time, pull the pin, stand back 6 feet, aim, squeeze, and admire the puff of white smoke that has filled my downstairs bathroom. The fire is out. Everything is coated in powder. I put the fire extinguisher back underneath the sink, pour myself a glass of wine, and pop in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." Clean-up can wait.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

xo,
Ms. V

She's back!

...and better than ever! I decided to check my site-counter and, much to my surpise, I discovered that people still check this thing.

Sarcastic writings to follow. Promise. I just had to recover from Paul's death. My period of mourning is over. Time to celebrate!

xo,
Ms. V

So long, Paul

A truly fantastic actor, and by all accounts, an even better person:

Paul Newman, has passed away. I will be watching one of my all time favorite movies, The Sting, in his honor tonight.

xo,
Ms. v

Bad ways to start a morning...

As I was sitting downstairs studying the other day, I could hear soon-to-be-ex-Hub rummaging around in every cupboard, drawer, and closet space in our upstairs bathroom. You know it'll turn interesting when the conversation goes like this...

Me: "Are you alright up there?"
Soon-to-be-ex-Hub: "No."
Me: "What's the matter?"
Soon-to-be-ex-Hub: "I can't stop the bleeding."

Silence.

I make my way upstairs only to find that he has, in fact, cut himself and he can't, in fact, stop the bleeding. I patch him up and make sure to comment that any one he dates in the future will also need to have some sort of medical or first aid training.

Fun times.

xo,
Ms. V

Two weeks of dazzling adventures

Sometimes I feel like my life is a giant practical joke. Here's why:

Tuesday, 8/26: I got out of class 30 minutes early, headed home, and found that my Amazon.com order had arrived. At this point, I think "Wow, this day can't get any better!" Completely excited, I figured I would get right to work in assembling my new pieces of furniture. After having done such a fantabulous job with my coffee table, I knew it would be a piece of cake. I started to put together my bookcase, only to discover that the holes were drilled into the wrong side of one of the pieces. I put everything back in the box and emailed Amazon. I then moved on to the bathroom storage unit and assembled the bottom half. Before moving on to the top, I decided to make sure it would actually fit in my bathroom. It didn't. I put everything back in the box and emailed Amazon again. I looked at the third item, a hutch, and realized it was too large for my apartment and I didn't really need it anyway. I was smart enough not to open the box this time, but had to email Amazon a third time. At this point, it occurred to me that I just spent a ton of money that I don't have on 3 items that I don't need (and don't really have room for). It turns out that only one of the three items is returnable. I now have a path of boxes from my door to my computer and bed. Yes, I'm serious.

Wednesday, 8/27: I woke up and thought "Well, at least today can't be any worse than last night!" My gosh, I'm an idiot. I made my way out to my car only to find that it wouldn't start. Normally, I could just walk to school since I live less than 1 mile away, but I was inconveniently parked in a "Wednesday spot." My car had to be moved by 9am, otherwise I would receive a $75 parking ticket that I couldn't afford (after spending all that money on the now-useless furniture). There was also the possibility it would get towed. It would depend on whatever mood the parking officer was in at the time. Since I still have VT plates, my bet is that it would be towed. I didn't want anyone to mess with Zippy Jr, so I called my friend for a jump start. It worked. Yay.

Thursday, 8/28: I woke up and thought "After the last two days, today HAS to be better." HA! Zippy Jr. wouldn't start again. I left the dome light on. To quote George Costanza, "I am Ms. V, Queen of the idiots." I couldn't walk to school on Thursday because we had to play dress up and I was wearing high heels. There was no frakking way I'd walk a mile in those shoes. I called my friend to come pick me up. After class got out, another friend gave me a ride home and tried to jump start Zippy Jr. but to no avail. A kind gentleman happened upon us and offered his services. He said both of our batteries were fine. He took mine out, cleaned things up, put it back in, and Zippy Jr. still wouldn't start. We had stood outside for an hour, desperately hoping that the problem would soon be solved, only to find that we were back at square one and short the $20 that I had paid the guy who helped us. I called my father. The conversation went something like this:
Me: "Am I the only one of the kids who has ever called you with car problems?"
Dad: "Yes. Call AAA. They'll boost you."
It turns out that my friend's battery didn't have enough juice to jump start ZJ's battery. AAA came to my rescue, and I took my friend out for Mexican food and cheesecake to celebrate the return of ZJ's happily purring motor.

Wednesday, 9/3: I took the first exam of the semester and realized that I hadn't studied at all. I passed, but not by much. At that point, I didn't even care. There's a saying in PA school: "C gets the degree!" It's my new mantra.

Thursday, 9/4: I woke up this morning only to find that I had no running water. Fan-frakking-tastic. I didn't have class today, thankfully, but had to meet with my study group to work on a class project. I called up the two girls who are in the group with me (the same two girls who had rescued me when I had car problems last week), told them I'd be late, then called my aunt to ask if I could use her shower. I raced to Delmar, became human, grabbed a bagel at Bruegger's and arrived only an hour late. Not bad. Ten minutes after sitting down in our library study room, however, the fire alarm went off. We had to evacuate. It wasn't a drill. Great. After being let back in, we finished our project and parted ways. I haven't stopped laughing since, mainly because I know darn well that there must be a hidden camera somewhere and I will somehow end up on TV after all this. It's probably some knew reality show. "How much can the PA student handle?" Or "How many bad things does it take to set off an Irish woman's temper?" Check your local listings.

That's it for now. Wish me luck for the weekend!
xo,
Ms. V

Draw'rings

This is what I do during class:

It's almost amazing that I'm actually passing, huh?

Truthfully, doodling actually helps me pay better attention. If I didn't doodle, I'd daydream. At least I actually hear what the professors are saying when I doodle. Some of it must stick in my brain somewhere.

Final exam status: 3 down, 2 to go. Speaking of finals, it's time for me to get back to studying.

xo,

Ms. V

Getting there

My current final exam status is: 2 down, 3 to go.

I have one tomorrow on the kidneys, one on Friday morning in Applied Pathophysiology (this time it's kidneys and endocrine), then another on Friday afternoon that is 120 questions long and - get this - CUMULATIVE. Fun times. We'll be tested on pathology, cardiology, respiratory, gastrointestinal, and kidneys again. Fun times.

At approximately 3pm on Friday, August 1st, 2008, I will likely be the happiest woman alive. That is when I officially go on break for two glorious weeks. :D

Wish me luck!

xo,
Ms. V