A truly fantastic actor, and by all accounts, an even better person:
Paul Newman, has passed away. I will be watching one of my all time favorite movies, The Sting, in his honor tonight.
xo,
Ms. v
A collection of tales about things that tickle my funny bone and a wide variety of life's general annoyances.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Bad ways to start a morning...
As I was sitting downstairs studying the other day, I could hear soon-to-be-ex-Hub rummaging around in every cupboard, drawer, and closet space in our upstairs bathroom. You know it'll turn interesting when the conversation goes like this...
Me: "Are you alright up there?"
Soon-to-be-ex-Hub: "No."
Me: "What's the matter?"
Soon-to-be-ex-Hub: "I can't stop the bleeding."
Silence.
I make my way upstairs only to find that he has, in fact, cut himself and he can't, in fact, stop the bleeding. I patch him up and make sure to comment that any one he dates in the future will also need to have some sort of medical or first aid training.
Fun times.
xo,
Ms. V
Me: "Are you alright up there?"
Soon-to-be-ex-Hub: "No."
Me: "What's the matter?"
Soon-to-be-ex-Hub: "I can't stop the bleeding."
Silence.
I make my way upstairs only to find that he has, in fact, cut himself and he can't, in fact, stop the bleeding. I patch him up and make sure to comment that any one he dates in the future will also need to have some sort of medical or first aid training.
Fun times.
xo,
Ms. V
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Two weeks of dazzling adventures
Sometimes I feel like my life is a giant practical joke. Here's why:
Tuesday, 8/26: I got out of class 30 minutes early, headed home, and found that my Amazon.com order had arrived. At this point, I think "Wow, this day can't get any better!" Completely excited, I figured I would get right to work in assembling my new pieces of furniture. After having done such a fantabulous job with my coffee table, I knew it would be a piece of cake. I started to put together my bookcase, only to discover that the holes were drilled into the wrong side of one of the pieces. I put everything back in the box and emailed Amazon. I then moved on to the bathroom storage unit and assembled the bottom half. Before moving on to the top, I decided to make sure it would actually fit in my bathroom. It didn't. I put everything back in the box and emailed Amazon again. I looked at the third item, a hutch, and realized it was too large for my apartment and I didn't really need it anyway. I was smart enough not to open the box this time, but had to email Amazon a third time. At this point, it occurred to me that I just spent a ton of money that I don't have on 3 items that I don't need (and don't really have room for). It turns out that only one of the three items is returnable. I now have a path of boxes from my door to my computer and bed. Yes, I'm serious.
Wednesday, 8/27: I woke up and thought "Well, at least today can't be any worse than last night!" My gosh, I'm an idiot. I made my way out to my car only to find that it wouldn't start. Normally, I could just walk to school since I live less than 1 mile away, but I was inconveniently parked in a "Wednesday spot." My car had to be moved by 9am, otherwise I would receive a $75 parking ticket that I couldn't afford (after spending all that money on the now-useless furniture). There was also the possibility it would get towed. It would depend on whatever mood the parking officer was in at the time. Since I still have VT plates, my bet is that it would be towed. I didn't want anyone to mess with Zippy Jr, so I called my friend for a jump start. It worked. Yay.
Thursday, 8/28: I woke up and thought "After the last two days, today HAS to be better." HA! Zippy Jr. wouldn't start again. I left the dome light on. To quote George Costanza, "I am Ms. V, Queen of the idiots." I couldn't walk to school on Thursday because we had to play dress up and I was wearing high heels. There was no frakking way I'd walk a mile in those shoes. I called my friend to come pick me up. After class got out, another friend gave me a ride home and tried to jump start Zippy Jr. but to no avail. A kind gentleman happened upon us and offered his services. He said both of our batteries were fine. He took mine out, cleaned things up, put it back in, and Zippy Jr. still wouldn't start. We had stood outside for an hour, desperately hoping that the problem would soon be solved, only to find that we were back at square one and short the $20 that I had paid the guy who helped us. I called my father. The conversation went something like this:
Me: "Am I the only one of the kids who has ever called you with car problems?"
Dad: "Yes. Call AAA. They'll boost you."
It turns out that my friend's battery didn't have enough juice to jump start ZJ's battery. AAA came to my rescue, and I took my friend out for Mexican food and cheesecake to celebrate the return of ZJ's happily purring motor.
Wednesday, 9/3: I took the first exam of the semester and realized that I hadn't studied at all. I passed, but not by much. At that point, I didn't even care. There's a saying in PA school: "C gets the degree!" It's my new mantra.
Thursday, 9/4: I woke up this morning only to find that I had no running water. Fan-frakking-tastic. I didn't have class today, thankfully, but had to meet with my study group to work on a class project. I called up the two girls who are in the group with me (the same two girls who had rescued me when I had car problems last week), told them I'd be late, then called my aunt to ask if I could use her shower. I raced to Delmar, became human, grabbed a bagel at Bruegger's and arrived only an hour late. Not bad. Ten minutes after sitting down in our library study room, however, the fire alarm went off. We had to evacuate. It wasn't a drill. Great. After being let back in, we finished our project and parted ways. I haven't stopped laughing since, mainly because I know darn well that there must be a hidden camera somewhere and I will somehow end up on TV after all this. It's probably some knew reality show. "How much can the PA student handle?" Or "How many bad things does it take to set off an Irish woman's temper?" Check your local listings.
That's it for now. Wish me luck for the weekend!
xo,
Ms. V
Tuesday, 8/26: I got out of class 30 minutes early, headed home, and found that my Amazon.com order had arrived. At this point, I think "Wow, this day can't get any better!" Completely excited, I figured I would get right to work in assembling my new pieces of furniture. After having done such a fantabulous job with my coffee table, I knew it would be a piece of cake. I started to put together my bookcase, only to discover that the holes were drilled into the wrong side of one of the pieces. I put everything back in the box and emailed Amazon. I then moved on to the bathroom storage unit and assembled the bottom half. Before moving on to the top, I decided to make sure it would actually fit in my bathroom. It didn't. I put everything back in the box and emailed Amazon again. I looked at the third item, a hutch, and realized it was too large for my apartment and I didn't really need it anyway. I was smart enough not to open the box this time, but had to email Amazon a third time. At this point, it occurred to me that I just spent a ton of money that I don't have on 3 items that I don't need (and don't really have room for). It turns out that only one of the three items is returnable. I now have a path of boxes from my door to my computer and bed. Yes, I'm serious.
Wednesday, 8/27: I woke up and thought "Well, at least today can't be any worse than last night!" My gosh, I'm an idiot. I made my way out to my car only to find that it wouldn't start. Normally, I could just walk to school since I live less than 1 mile away, but I was inconveniently parked in a "Wednesday spot." My car had to be moved by 9am, otherwise I would receive a $75 parking ticket that I couldn't afford (after spending all that money on the now-useless furniture). There was also the possibility it would get towed. It would depend on whatever mood the parking officer was in at the time. Since I still have VT plates, my bet is that it would be towed. I didn't want anyone to mess with Zippy Jr, so I called my friend for a jump start. It worked. Yay.
Thursday, 8/28: I woke up and thought "After the last two days, today HAS to be better." HA! Zippy Jr. wouldn't start again. I left the dome light on. To quote George Costanza, "I am Ms. V, Queen of the idiots." I couldn't walk to school on Thursday because we had to play dress up and I was wearing high heels. There was no frakking way I'd walk a mile in those shoes. I called my friend to come pick me up. After class got out, another friend gave me a ride home and tried to jump start Zippy Jr. but to no avail. A kind gentleman happened upon us and offered his services. He said both of our batteries were fine. He took mine out, cleaned things up, put it back in, and Zippy Jr. still wouldn't start. We had stood outside for an hour, desperately hoping that the problem would soon be solved, only to find that we were back at square one and short the $20 that I had paid the guy who helped us. I called my father. The conversation went something like this:
Me: "Am I the only one of the kids who has ever called you with car problems?"
Dad: "Yes. Call AAA. They'll boost you."
It turns out that my friend's battery didn't have enough juice to jump start ZJ's battery. AAA came to my rescue, and I took my friend out for Mexican food and cheesecake to celebrate the return of ZJ's happily purring motor.
Wednesday, 9/3: I took the first exam of the semester and realized that I hadn't studied at all. I passed, but not by much. At that point, I didn't even care. There's a saying in PA school: "C gets the degree!" It's my new mantra.
Thursday, 9/4: I woke up this morning only to find that I had no running water. Fan-frakking-tastic. I didn't have class today, thankfully, but had to meet with my study group to work on a class project. I called up the two girls who are in the group with me (the same two girls who had rescued me when I had car problems last week), told them I'd be late, then called my aunt to ask if I could use her shower. I raced to Delmar, became human, grabbed a bagel at Bruegger's and arrived only an hour late. Not bad. Ten minutes after sitting down in our library study room, however, the fire alarm went off. We had to evacuate. It wasn't a drill. Great. After being let back in, we finished our project and parted ways. I haven't stopped laughing since, mainly because I know darn well that there must be a hidden camera somewhere and I will somehow end up on TV after all this. It's probably some knew reality show. "How much can the PA student handle?" Or "How many bad things does it take to set off an Irish woman's temper?" Check your local listings.
That's it for now. Wish me luck for the weekend!
xo,
Ms. V
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