Monday, December 19, 2011

A fine plan, indeed

I went out with one of my good friends, LD, tonight.  Neither of us will be having children.  The following plan formed:

LD: "We'll be in the old folks' home together - taking care of each other."
Ms. V: "That's right!  We'll sit next to each other drinking our beers."
LD: "It's a great plan!  The one on Shelburne Bay is beautiful.  Let's plan to stay there."
Ms. V: "We can get rooms next to each other and knock messages through the walls, since our hands will be too arthritic to text."
LD: "On second thought... we could never afford Shelburne Bay."
Ms. V: "I'll have to work right up until I'm ready to be put in the home to be able to cover the cost.  I have decent benefits..."
LD: "I still can't afford it.  It's way too expensive."
Ms. V: "We'll get married!  My retirement benefits will cover you! It's perfect!"
LD: "DJ will be dead by then since he's older."
Ms. V: "I'm saving my 2nd marriage for you."
LD: "We need to pinky-swear on this."


Ms. V: "We could *totally* capitalize on this!  It'll fund our stay!  I can see the headline now... 'Couple marries after 50 years of friendship' - it would go on to describe our brief honeymoon on the lake and mention that we'll be making our home at the Shelburne Bay Assisted Living Facility.  A real American love-story."

:Pinky-swear again:

Folks, I found my 2nd spouse.  I couldn't ask for a better one.

Ms. V

Saturday, December 17, 2011

What's that they say about apples not falling far?

My sister (EEV), my mother, and myself struggle with opening a bottle...

EEV (struggling with top)
Me: "Want me to try it with my giant man hands?"
EEV: "I think my hands are more manly than yours..."
Mom: "I've got the manliest hands of all of us!"
Me (struggling with top): "E! Do you have a set of pliers?!"
Mom: "Oh give it here..." - (Pops it off with ease) - "Now what was so hard about that?"
Me (in disbelief): "Jesus Christ..."

Ms. V

Monday, December 05, 2011

Pain relief

Work.  Planned Parenthood in Barre.  The fabulous Molly is my HCA...

I've got a massive knot in my right shoulder (as usual, thank-you stress & poor posture) and am massaging it against a door frame.

Me: "Hey Molly - want to inject some lidocaine into my shoulder?"
Molly: "Yeah!!  Wait.  No!  Wait.  What?  You do that?"

(No, I actually don't do that, but I had briefly considered it).

Ms. V