Wednesday, October 30, 2013

With friends like these...

Dufort: "May I make a suggestion?"
Me: "Of course."
Dufort: "When I'm 80, we give it a go."
Me: "Romantically?
Dufort: "2056. That'll be our year."
Me: "I'll still be gay in 2056."
Dufort: "Who knows? Maybe I'll be gay by then too!"
Me: "Your plan would work better if you were a woman by 2056."

Ms. V

Friday, October 04, 2013

You can take the girl out of the northeast but you can't take the northeast out of the girl

Lying in bed last night with Renee, trying to get to sleep, playing the alphabet game.  Subject: cars.  We get all the way to Z and it's my turn.

Me: "Hmmm... would you count zamboni?"
Renee: "What's a zamboni?"
Me: "Oh my gosh!  Ha ha!  I forgot that not everyone was raised on the Canadian border and watches hockey.  It's the machine-thing they use to smooth the ice.  I want to drive one!  They're so cool!!"
Renee: "OK, you can count your 'zambia' thing.  We should go to a game sometime."


Ms. V

Monday, September 30, 2013

Plans for the future Mrs. V

Me: "Hey!  Did I tell you my sister and Tarek got married?"
Dufort: "No.  Your mom told me they got married.  Mary told me they got married. YOU did not tell me they got married."
Me: "Oy!  Sorry.  Bad friend award goes to me.  My sister got married!  Elvis performed the ceremony, but he wasn't the actual minister who could sign the marriage certificate."
Dufort: "That is one of the strangest sentences ever uttered."

:Dufort pauses to think for a moment:

Dufort: "I'd rather have Elvis Costello perform the ceremony."
Me: "ME TOO!!  But the REAL Elvis Costello, not an impersonator."
Dufort: "Exactly!"
Me: "I'm going to do it.  Someday, my future wife and I will be married by Elvis Costello."
Dufort: "You're stealing my idea!"
Me: "No! You can't have her."
Dufort: "No, the Elvis Costello part."
Me: "Oh!  OK.  Well, we could just do a double-ceremony."
Dufort: "Sure.  Sounds great.  I just need to find a woman to marry me for the 3rd time..." (with just a hint of sarcasm.) "I found the 1st and 2nd.  Shouldn't be too hard to find a 3rd."  (Still a bit sarcastic.)
Me: "It's a done deal, D.  We're having a double ceremony, performed by Elvis Costello."

Now we just have to hope this idea flies with our future brides.

Ms. V

Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Reproductive Roombas

Trying to explain medical stuff to people is fun sometimes, especially when that medical stuff is related to the female reproductive system and you're discussing it with a couple of guys.  Science guys, no less.

One evening on Church St., with Mishe, Ben, and Patrick:
Ben: "So how does that work?  How does an IUD get inserted?"
Me: "Well, you use a tenaculum to 'anchor' things while you insert it."
Ben: "Tenaculum??  Isn't that a city in California?"
Me: "I think that's Temecula.  This is a tenaculum.  It's a pretty brutal little device.  There's nothing quite like a tenaculum."
Ben: "You realize you just used the sentence 'there's nothing quite like a tenaculum.'"
Patrick: "Why don't they just make an IUD that's like a roomba?  It just trolls around and eventually finds the right place."

I gave up trying to explain.  We laughed a lot in between.

Ms. V

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Hot off the presses

Minutes ago, another epic Ms. V/Bakondi conversation occurred.

Ben: Does that sound embarrassing? 
Me: No.  Besides, once I tell you about my life, you’ll feel a thousand-gazillion times better about yours.
Ben: Well once I tell you about MY life, you’ll feel a million bagillion times better about YOURS.
Me: OK, we have to swap stories.
Ben: OK, I’ll give you a call again later and we can discuss.  We need to solve each other’s lives.

We help each other out when in need.

Ms. V

Saturday, January 05, 2013


Recently I sat down with a cosmo (of the drink variety) and my paints for a bit of, uh, "therapy."  Unfortunately, my paint-water was held in a red solo cup.  For those not in the know, cosmos are also red.

A text discussion with Dufort was also in the works.

Dufort: "You rock, you know that?  You are made of awesomeness."
Me: "I'm made of awesomeness?  The woman who just mistook her watercolor paint water for her cosmopolitan and took a sip?"

True story.  Luckily I caught my mistake before I actually ingested any of it.

Ms. V