Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Interesting conversation... and I held back

Today. Hannaford. South Burlington. Picture it.

I walk to my car and I hear "excuse me lady?" I ignore it initially but then turn to see that the man who said it really was referring to me. The following conversation took place:

Man (with no teeth): "My girlfriend and I are living in my truck and I need to get a prescription filled. I'm $1.05 short. Can you spare it?"
In the Christmas spirit I decide to hand the guy $2. Sure, I have no way of verifying that it's for a prescription but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Besides, it's only a couple of bucks. While I pull out my wallet, he shares his story...
Man (with no teeth): "We've been livin' in my truck. I only get $132 unemployment check and that doesn't go far. Hey! You're beautiful! You could really make it if you moved to Florida where I'm from! I hate this state!"
Me: "Oh, thank you. That's very nice. Here's your $2. Happy holiday."
Man (with no teeth): "Thank you! Merry Christmas!"

I held back. I decided not to point out to him that our economy is in the ole' crapper because "his" great state of Florida is responsible for letting an imbecile in office, causing one of the largest economic downfalls in US history. I was not happy though. I don't take kindly to people who speak ill of Vermont. I especially don't take kindly to it when they're IN Vermont, asking for handouts, and actually receiving one. This is something that likely would not happen elsewhere. Why? Because Vermonters are nice. I held back. The dude was crazy and standing about 2 yards away from me. Also, he called me beautiful. Flattery scored him a few points.

Happy holidays!
Ms. V

Sunday, December 20, 2009

A New blog to stalk

On the recommendation of my buddy Perplexio (aka: Darrin), I checked out My Girlfriend is Ridiculous. Cute. Hilarious. Love it. I've added it to the blog links at the right. Check it out, peeps. Here's the description from the master of the blog himself:

"I have a girlfriend. Her name is Jessica. I was initially attracted to her because she is very hot. As it turns out, she is also very sassy."

More blogging to come. I have two glorious weeks off before going back to the hell of a ridiculously long commute and 10 hour work days. :D

Ms. V

Friday, November 27, 2009

C'mon baby light my fire...

Over the years, I have discovered that funny things happen, and many stories emerge when I do stupid stuff. This should not be a surprise to anyone reading this blog, as I've got 4 years worth of junk posted on this thing to back me up. If you're reading, you know this. We're off to a good start.

So.... I'm sitting around my fabulous apartment the other night, enjoying the season of Thanksgiving. Wanting to set the mood for some relaxation, I decide to light some candles but notice (in a mildly annoyed way) that the wick of one of the candles is off-center and now melting the wax unevenly. Scientist that I am, I note that a simple solution is to add something small and flammable to the other side of the candle that will burn out on its own but cause the wax to melt. Gosh, I'm stupid. No, really. I really am. Read on...

I roll up a *tiny* - yes *TINY* piece of paper and add it to the wax. It burns. It keeps burning. The paper doesn't disintegrate. I shut the bathroom door and pretend this isn't happening. I wait a minute. Open the bathroom door & note flames. I shut the bathroom door again and hope that I hallucinated. I re-open the bathroom door & note flames again. I also note the boiling wax. At this point, the glass will shatter if cooled too quickly, so water is now officially out of the question. I'm too terrified to go near this tiny, contained fire because I now have visions of glass exploding and careening all over my bathroom and myself. (Yes, I'm a bit paranoid, I know). I whip out the fire extinguisher from under the kitchen sink, open the bathroom door a 3rd time, pull the pin, stand back 6 feet, aim, squeeze, and admire the puff of white smoke that has filled my downstairs bathroom. The fire is out. Everything is coated in powder. I put the fire extinguisher back underneath the sink, pour myself a glass of wine, and pop in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." Clean-up can wait.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Ms. V

Thursday, November 19, 2009

She's back!

...and better than ever! I decided to check my site-counter and, much to my surpise, I discovered that people still check this thing.

Sarcastic writings to follow. Promise. I just had to recover from Paul's death. My period of mourning is over. Time to celebrate!

Ms. V