Sunday, January 16, 2005

Ladies and Gentlemen! The cheesiest movie of the year is...

"The Village" by M. Night Shyamalan! Yes, it's sad but true. This master of "The Sixth Sense" completely blew it when he made "The Village." When you finally get to the ending, it turns out to be more sad than scary - both in the movie itself and in the sense that Minoge Night actually spent so much money making a crappy flick.

Though the cinematography was great, the acting and storyline were so horrible that all we were able to do was poke fun at it. When you're heckling a flick, it's hard to be creeped out by it.

This is, by far, one of the best candidates for "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" that I've ever seen. My husband, my friends, and myself certainly had a great time ripping it apart last night so I'm sure the professionals could really go at it. We had the ending figured out at about the half way point.

The first half of the movie just wasn't thrilling enough. When we finally caught a glimpse of "those we do not speak of" it did, however, give us a bit of a jump. All you see is a bright red cape. It's that kind of subtlety that makes a movie into a thriller. Unfortunately, 10 minutes later, it actually showed the monster - clearly a poorly made costume of an unrealistic "creature" that couldn't possibly exist. That alone made this movie more "sci-fi" than "thriller." I must say, I'm still reeling from the disappointment.

I absolutely loved "The Sixth Sense" and "Unbreakable" (mostly because I love superheros). I had high hopes for "The Village" but alas - they were dashed. Crushed. Completely shattered. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone unless they wanted to endure a good cheese-fest. Thank goodness we have that blockbuster rental card! I would have been even more upset if we had spent the $4 on the rental fee.

In better news, we also ended up renting "Harold and Kumar Go To Whitecastle." I thought this movie was going to be a complete bomb, but after watching "The Village" I knew it could only go uphill. It turned out to be hilarious! Maybe not a must-rent, but a fun movie to check out none-the-less.

Now, I can't really spout off a bunch of stuff about the cheesiest movie I've seen this year without acknowledging the BEST (yes, capital letter BEST) movie I've seen, can I? "Napolean Dynamite." It's a must rent. MUST. In fact, it's a must-own. The whole damn thing is so hilarious and kooky that you can't help but laugh hysterically and say "what on Earth?" every few seconds. The best part is the fact that the players are stuck in the 80's so I had a bonus experience of being able to say "I used to own those same boots!" or "I used to wear my hair like that!" Please - I beg you - if you find yourself in a situation where you're only allowed to rent one movie for the rest of the year, make it this one. It's a low-budget flick and I guarantee you'll come out of it with a *tiny* crush on Napolean and a *large* craving for tater-tots.

That's it for now folks - stay safe and be well!

Ms. V


Erin said...

Jon and I really wanted to see "The Village", but missed it because it was sold out one night. So then I read some reviews and heard how horrible everyone said it was, and then decided to read some spoilers. It sounded soooo dumb, I almost want to see it now just to make fun of how bad it is. IMHO, Shyamalan completely messed up "Signs" too when he showed the alien at the end. Sounds like he did an equally bang-up job with "The Village".

And I've been meaning to rent "Napolean Dynomite" - I hadn't heard of it till I saw on TV that it's now out on DVD and it looked totally kooky. Guess I'll have to rent it now!

Perplexio said...

Toni & I rented Wicker Park and Wimbledon this weekend (the W section of Family Video is right near their entrance).

I was pleasantly surprised by Wicker Park. I was expecting a cheesy, poorly done, predictable psychological thriller. It was far too slow to be a psychological thriller. It was more a character study. The acting was actually pretty good, and while the plot at times was predictable, it doesn't ruin the movie because it's not so much about the plot as it is about the characters.

Wimbledon was just a fun romantic comedy. As far as romantic comedies go it was that cheesy dime-a-dozen Julia Roberts/Meg Ryan and Hugh Grant/Richard Gere/Tom Hanks formula crap. Paul Bettany is cool and the dude who plays his brother adds a bit of humor.

Perplexio said...

ack, I meant to say "wasn't" the cheesy formulaic crap... not "was."

Perplexio said...

PS: I noticed Shyamalan's Signs was conspicuously absent in your post. Did you like that one or did you think it was kind of cheesy as well?

Toni & I figured out the "surprise ending" of The Village without even seeing it. It was no great mystery.

Ms. V said...


I haven't seen that one. I doubt I will, too. Aliens freak me out, so it was out of the running to begin with. I have been curious about it and would have watched it, but my sister said the ending was cheesy (it sounded it too, from her description) and I trust her judgement implicitly so I'll probably save that for a "there was absolutely nothing else to rent" night. :grin:

jonboy said...

if you do happen to watch "Signs" i most certainly recommend turning it off some time after the scene with Joaquin Phoenix watching the TV. the movie will probably leave a better taste in your mouth.
as for unbreakable i must say that i thoroughly enjoyed it until, of course, the end! WHY, OH WHY, did he have to add that cheesy "Animal House" bullshit of dictating the character's ultimate futures through written word.

"Elijah ended up in a mental institution"

Argh! What a load of utter rubbish. The ending could have come off as a new beginning, as the start, when Superman and Lex Luthor realize their respective roles and the audience can only imagine what conficts and crisis will arise when these two archnemeses collide. But no. Mr. Glass is now left to fester in a stinking padded room, while David Dunn scours the street beating up pick-pockets and purse snatchers and grizzled bums who accidently clutch at his cloak and stare him down with drunken bloodshot eyes.

Ms. V said...

I liked the ending of "Unbreakable" but I think I would have liked having the option for a sequal even better. At least that way, we'd be left to wonder "What's next?"

I hope to high-heaven that my sister has introduced you to Napolean Dynamite by now. You need to watch it. If you don't, I'll force you to the next time you come visit. :)